Bank Shots: Scattered thoughts on the day's NBA action.
It's opening night and I must say this is as excited as I've ever been for an upcoming NBA season. Those old enough to be sports writers like to refer to the 1980s as the golden era of the league. But I'm not sure that the influx of talent in the league over the past decade isn't on par with the Jordans, Birds or Magics in terms of skill and personalities.
And the previous dreadful 90s era has finally weeded itself out to only the most useful of players (with Allen Iverson still hanging on for marketing), providing just enough of an old guard (Kobe, Duncan, Shaq and Garnett) to test the new guys (Paul, James, Wade, Howard) in their championship run. That being said, here's some thoughts on the NBA's first night of action:
Boston 95, Cleveland 89:
The addition of Rasheed Wallace at worst makes Rajon Rondo's jumpshot (or lack thereof) a bit more of a moot point. He's not quite an elite point guard but he's pretty good. His best shot charts resemble those of a big man, which works for Boston because their own big men favor jump shots.
Speaking of 'Sheed. I think at this point it's safe to say he's strictly a role player. Six of his nine shots were from behind the arch, which worked out fine tonight but he's not always going to shoot at a 50 percent clip. And three rebounds? For a night at least it was okay.
Garnett looked good. Will it hold up? I find it funny that everyone questions Tim Duncan while it's assumed that Garnett will be fine. KG relies more on his athleticism and let's remember, he's the one that had season ending surgery.
The Cleveland offense continues to be a joke. It's a testament to LeBron James that he could be so poorly utilized and still dominate. It's not easy to guard James but it's of at least some comfort that you never have to worry about where to find him: the top of the key, starting from a standstill, with the entire defense set and focused on him. With the bigger wings in the offseason I actually prefer their sets with Lebron at the power forward. Is it too much to ask for him to get the ball on the move or at more efficient spots on the floor?
Washington 102, Dallas 91
Gilbert Arenas is back. It was just one night but everything seemed in place for Arenas. It's so easy to forget how much of an elite player Arenas was given the developments of LeBron, Howard, Wade, 'Melo and Paul but he's one of the best offensive players in the league so long as he's healthy.
Arenas has an enforcer. Haywood is an overlooked part of the Wizards but right now he's the only one that provides size at an NBA rotation player quality. I also see that Fabricio Oberto got the start. While he's not going to get serious run he's a great pickup in terms of teaching Blatche and the Wizards young frontline how to find shots without having the ball.
The Mavericks need another player that can create offense. Right now Dirk just seems to have too much of a burden right now carrying the offense. Jason Kidd can still find the right passes but he's not exactly creating the passing lanes. Just about the rest of the Mavs offense needs to have their shot created for them. Can you rely on Josh Howard for this?
Portland 96, Houston 87
Where's Houston going to get their shots? There was a lot of talk this offseason about the Grizzlies setting records for fewest assists because the number of ball stoppers on their team. But what about Houston and their lack of creators? Scola can draw double teams in the right matchups and their best shot creator, Brooks, sets up primarily for himself. I'm just not sure who streses the defense enough to draw double teams or cause defenses to collapse. Who's their best passer? I'm not sure you can count on Lowry for eight assists a night.
At this point do you think the Blazers would rather have Oden or Brook Lopez? They're a highly efficient offense, we know. But they're primarily a jump shooting team which means you can automatically pencil them in for at least one loss every playoff series. Jumpers just don't fall every night. Can you picture Oden guarding combinations of Bynum/Kobe or Duncan/Ginobili without getting into serious foul trouble? And they're not exactly an uptempo team so somehow they're going to need to learn how to get easy shots.
Lakers 99, Clippers 92
I'm not sure what I can say about the Lakers that you don't already know. Kobe's good. Bynum can beast weak frontlines. Odom is versatile. We can nitpick all we want here but really Gasol is the one that makes this offense so dangerous and he was out tonight.
On the Clippers part, Davis looked bothered and a step slow. Lakers biggest weakness comes from an inability to guard point guards and Davis just couldn't take advantage. Kaman looked good, Camby overmatched. Gordon on the other hand is the real deal. He can shoot and he's strong. The Lakers towering front line didn't seem to bother him at all. He and Griffin are great pieces to build around. Not sure if Davis should be around when they take over.
The other thing that became obvious: No team that gives Al Thorton major minutes is a good team. He had a terrible shot selection and just doesn't seem to have a great feel for the game. He'll get numbers primarily because he'll force shots but he's not a part of a winning team. Probably my least favorite player to watch in the league right now.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Southwest Division
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Dallas Mavericks
Strengths: Blonde hair and silicon. Lots and lots of Silicon.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur. Reflect all the worst traits of irritating owner Mark Cuban. Knowledge of the game (?).
In the mind of the fans:
"20 and 10 last year? Nah, Duncan is washed up. Now Marion on the other hand!"
"Mark Cuban now has stats that tell us to think it was a good idea to dump an aging, has-been All-Star point guard for the ability to sign two never-were centers.
"Mark Cuban now has stats that tell us to think it was a brilliant idea to trade an up and coming All-Star point guard for what's left of Jason Kidd."
"Mark Cuban still tells us what to think."
Houston Rockets
Strengths: You don't mess with a billion Chinese.
Weaknesses: All-Star voting. Stop it with Tracy McGrady already. Damn you China!
In the mind of the fans:
"At least we don't have to worry about whether or not Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming will be hurt this year. D'oh.
Memphis Grizzlies(Editor's Note: after the offseason moves only the owner and players' moms remain as fans)
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
In the mind of the fans.....err....owner:
"Pau Gasol is overrated. Zach Randolph on the other hand!"
"Why does Chris Wallace keep giving me those death stares?"
"I wonder if I can trade Rudy Gay for Adam Morrison without getting more death threats from Gregg Popovich."
New Orleans Hornets
Strengths: Party with the best of them. Leads to a distinct homecourt advantage against less disciplined teams.
Weaknesses: Copying wrestlers Wooooooooo! chants.
In the mind of the fans:
"What the hell happened?"
"Is it okay to start ignoring our NBA team again?"
San Antonio Spurs
Strengths: Ability to celebrate championships without riots, looting, or setting fires. Eva Longoria.
Weaknesses: Live in the land of 1,000 taco stands and most of them hit up every single one of them on the way to the game. Any mention of "*".
In the mind of the fans:
"Jefferson and 'Dice are nice, but can we trade for the Suns entire training staff?"
"DuJuan Blair is the next Charles Barkley!"
"Holy crap...I'm sitting next to Eva Longoria!"
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Dallas Mavericks
Strengths: Blonde hair and silicon. Lots and lots of Silicon.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur. Reflect all the worst traits of irritating owner Mark Cuban. Knowledge of the game (?).
In the mind of the fans:
"20 and 10 last year? Nah, Duncan is washed up. Now Marion on the other hand!"
"Mark Cuban now has stats that tell us to think it was a good idea to dump an aging, has-been All-Star point guard for the ability to sign two never-were centers.
"Mark Cuban now has stats that tell us to think it was a brilliant idea to trade an up and coming All-Star point guard for what's left of Jason Kidd."
"Mark Cuban still tells us what to think."
Houston Rockets
Strengths: You don't mess with a billion Chinese.
Weaknesses: All-Star voting. Stop it with Tracy McGrady already. Damn you China!
In the mind of the fans:
"At least we don't have to worry about whether or not Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming will be hurt this year. D'oh.
Memphis Grizzlies(Editor's Note: after the offseason moves only the owner and players' moms remain as fans)
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
In the mind of the fans.....err....owner:
"Pau Gasol is overrated. Zach Randolph on the other hand!"
"Why does Chris Wallace keep giving me those death stares?"
"I wonder if I can trade Rudy Gay for Adam Morrison without getting more death threats from Gregg Popovich."
New Orleans Hornets
Strengths: Party with the best of them. Leads to a distinct homecourt advantage against less disciplined teams.
Weaknesses: Copying wrestlers Wooooooooo! chants.
In the mind of the fans:
"What the hell happened?"
"Is it okay to start ignoring our NBA team again?"
San Antonio Spurs
Strengths: Ability to celebrate championships without riots, looting, or setting fires. Eva Longoria.
Weaknesses: Live in the land of 1,000 taco stands and most of them hit up every single one of them on the way to the game. Any mention of "*".
In the mind of the fans:
"Jefferson and 'Dice are nice, but can we trade for the Suns entire training staff?"
"DuJuan Blair is the next Charles Barkley!"
"Holy crap...I'm sitting next to Eva Longoria!"
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Pacific Division
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Golden State Warriors
Strengths: Upside is amongst the highest in the entire league.
Weaknesses: Still tolerate management's presence in the building.
In the mind of the fans:
"We might hate Stephen Jackson, but even we can't blame him."
"Well, we still have a killer video game team."
Los Angeles Clippers
Strengths: The two Bills (Simmons and Crystal).
Weaknesses: Frankie Muniz.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy Crap! We have a legitimate No. 1 overall big man. A motivated, stud point guard. A promising young shooting guard. Depth up front. And a crap load of cap space in one of the deepest free agent markets next year. Did Sterling die?"
"I can finally wear my team jersey in public!"
Los Angeles Lakers
Strengths: The most famous fans in the entire NBA. Cool under pressure (due to the sedated effect the drugs leave in their system).
Weaknesses: Arrive late, leave early. Bad knees created by years of being on them in Kobe's presence.
In the mind of the fans:
"Have I shown up on the Jumbotron or TV yet? As soon as I do I'm outta here. Can't miss rehab again."
"That person wrote a story that only called Kobe ONE of the greatest players in NBA history? What a hater!."
"ESPN has nothing but Kobe haters! Fox Sports has nothing but Kobe haters! Yahoo has nothing but Kobe haters! Everyone is a Kobe Hater! The Catholic Church thinks Jesus Christ is our savior? they're obviously Kobe Haters!"
Phoenix Suns
Strengths: Desert air apparently increases longevity as much as the Suns training staff. (A lot of old people). One awesome Gorrilla.
Weaknesses: Amare enablers. Still stuck on playoff suspensions of a few years back.
In the mind of the fans:
"David Stern is out to get us. It's a conspiracy, they only want big markets like San Antonio to win."
"At least we'll get to see 130-120 point games again this year. Hopefully we win some of them."
Sacramento Kings
Strengths: Cow bells. Once one of the loudest crowds in the NBA.
Weaknesses: Once being the operative word.
In the mind of the fans:
.....crickets.....
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Golden State Warriors
Strengths: Upside is amongst the highest in the entire league.
Weaknesses: Still tolerate management's presence in the building.
In the mind of the fans:
"We might hate Stephen Jackson, but even we can't blame him."
"Well, we still have a killer video game team."
Los Angeles Clippers
Strengths: The two Bills (Simmons and Crystal).
Weaknesses: Frankie Muniz.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy Crap! We have a legitimate No. 1 overall big man. A motivated, stud point guard. A promising young shooting guard. Depth up front. And a crap load of cap space in one of the deepest free agent markets next year. Did Sterling die?"
"I can finally wear my team jersey in public!"
Los Angeles Lakers
Strengths: The most famous fans in the entire NBA. Cool under pressure (due to the sedated effect the drugs leave in their system).
Weaknesses: Arrive late, leave early. Bad knees created by years of being on them in Kobe's presence.
In the mind of the fans:
"Have I shown up on the Jumbotron or TV yet? As soon as I do I'm outta here. Can't miss rehab again."
"That person wrote a story that only called Kobe ONE of the greatest players in NBA history? What a hater!."
"ESPN has nothing but Kobe haters! Fox Sports has nothing but Kobe haters! Yahoo has nothing but Kobe haters! Everyone is a Kobe Hater! The Catholic Church thinks Jesus Christ is our savior? they're obviously Kobe Haters!"
Phoenix Suns
Strengths: Desert air apparently increases longevity as much as the Suns training staff. (A lot of old people). One awesome Gorrilla.
Weaknesses: Amare enablers. Still stuck on playoff suspensions of a few years back.
In the mind of the fans:
"David Stern is out to get us. It's a conspiracy, they only want big markets like San Antonio to win."
"At least we'll get to see 130-120 point games again this year. Hopefully we win some of them."
Sacramento Kings
Strengths: Cow bells. Once one of the loudest crowds in the NBA.
Weaknesses: Once being the operative word.
In the mind of the fans:
.....crickets.....
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Northwest Division
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Denver Nuggets
Strengths: Remarkable lung capacity due to yelling at extreme altitudes.
Weaknesses: Coors Light. john Denver.
In the mind of the fans:
"Chauncey Billups slowing down? Ridiculous."
"We'll probably have everything fall absolutely perfect again."
Minnesota Timberwolves
Strengths: Survived Kevin McHale
Weaknesses: Complacency likely given management has already admitted to not caring about the next few seasons.
In the mind of the fans:
"What's a shooting guard, small forward or center? It's been so long since we've seen one?"
Oklahoma City Thunder
Strengths: Enthusiastic glow remains from Honeymoon.
Weaknesses: They're not Seattle. They live in a market so small the city is named after the state.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy crap! I still can't believe we have a professional team to root for besides the Soooners."
Portland Trailblazers
Strengths: were able to influence management to finally rid themselves of the Jail Blazers era.
Weaknesses: National Anthem. Pairing Bowie and Odom together in any sentence.
In the mind of the fans:
"I'm starting to think that this Oden over Durant thing was a bad idea."
"Roy's not overrated...he's....he's...he's better than Kobe. There, I said it."
Seattle Supersonics
Strengths: Passionate fans.
Weaknesses: Took losing their team to find said passion. No NBA team.
In the mind of the fans:
"Root for the Blazers my A--. F--- You David Stern!"
Utah Jazz
Strengths: One of the toughest places to play in the NBA. And with no night life, one can assume that it's directly because of the fans.
Weaknesses: Black dress pants and short sleeved white button up shirts with ties.
In the mind of the fans:
"Williams is just as good as Paul. No really. I mean it. He's better than Paul. He's bigger, a better shooter, and....and....why won't anyone listen to us."
"Sloan's induction speech wasn't too long, or too boring."
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Denver Nuggets
Strengths: Remarkable lung capacity due to yelling at extreme altitudes.
Weaknesses: Coors Light. john Denver.
In the mind of the fans:
"Chauncey Billups slowing down? Ridiculous."
"We'll probably have everything fall absolutely perfect again."
Minnesota Timberwolves
Strengths: Survived Kevin McHale
Weaknesses: Complacency likely given management has already admitted to not caring about the next few seasons.
In the mind of the fans:
"What's a shooting guard, small forward or center? It's been so long since we've seen one?"
Oklahoma City Thunder
Strengths: Enthusiastic glow remains from Honeymoon.
Weaknesses: They're not Seattle. They live in a market so small the city is named after the state.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy crap! I still can't believe we have a professional team to root for besides the Soooners."
Portland Trailblazers
Strengths: were able to influence management to finally rid themselves of the Jail Blazers era.
Weaknesses: National Anthem. Pairing Bowie and Odom together in any sentence.
In the mind of the fans:
"I'm starting to think that this Oden over Durant thing was a bad idea."
"Roy's not overrated...he's....he's...he's better than Kobe. There, I said it."
Seattle Supersonics
Strengths: Passionate fans.
Weaknesses: Took losing their team to find said passion. No NBA team.
In the mind of the fans:
"Root for the Blazers my A--. F--- You David Stern!"
Utah Jazz
Strengths: One of the toughest places to play in the NBA. And with no night life, one can assume that it's directly because of the fans.
Weaknesses: Black dress pants and short sleeved white button up shirts with ties.
In the mind of the fans:
"Williams is just as good as Paul. No really. I mean it. He's better than Paul. He's bigger, a better shooter, and....and....why won't anyone listen to us."
"Sloan's induction speech wasn't too long, or too boring."
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Southeast Division
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Atlanta Hawks
Strengths: Having sat out the better part of the past two decades, Atlanta fans should be well rested which will bode well towards the end of the long, grueling NBA season.
Weaknesses: Inexperience. The mention of the name "Chris Paul".
In the mind of the fans:
"Tony Gonzales was a great addition to the team, he and Matt Ryan are really clicking."
"Undeveloped? Smith already is the second coming of Dominique Wilkins. It's time to tell himstop chucking jumpers too."
Charlotte Bobcats
Strengths: Deep, resourceful. A basketball crazy city, fans can always rely on UNC to balance out the lows of being a Bobcats fan.
Weaknesses: Like the rest of the country, an inability to question anything Michael Jordan does.
In the mind of the fans:
"Forget 50, come back now MJ! It would be nice to see you in the city more than twice a year."
Miami Heat
Strengths: Best tans in the league. Intimate knowledge of opposing players thanks to Miami's omission of closing time at bars.
Weaknesses: Skin cancer. The knowledge that Will Smith once wrote a song based on their city.
In the mind of the fans:
"Wade had a much better year than Lebron, he should have been MVP."
"Beasley in rehab? Damn, there goes our local economy."
Orlando Magic
Strengths: In the land of Disney, fans believe anything can happen.
Weaknesses: Dwight Howard doesn't help fans forget the loss of Shaq by stealing everything Shaq ever did. Cough, Superman, Cough.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy ****'s Tiger Woods"
"Just because his act is stolen, doesn't mean it's unoriginal."
Washington Wizards
Strengths: Have somehow been able to get behind Stevenson's foolishness over the past few years, especially the LeBron taunting.
Weaknesses: The franchise had to change the name from the Bullets to the Wizards for a reason.
In the mind of the fans:
"Hibachi returns!"
"I think this is the year we can count on injury free seasons from Arenas, Butler and Jamis---o--awwww crap. Nevermind."
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.
Atlanta Hawks
Strengths: Having sat out the better part of the past two decades, Atlanta fans should be well rested which will bode well towards the end of the long, grueling NBA season.
Weaknesses: Inexperience. The mention of the name "Chris Paul".
In the mind of the fans:
"Tony Gonzales was a great addition to the team, he and Matt Ryan are really clicking."
"Undeveloped? Smith already is the second coming of Dominique Wilkins. It's time to tell himstop chucking jumpers too."
Charlotte Bobcats
Strengths: Deep, resourceful. A basketball crazy city, fans can always rely on UNC to balance out the lows of being a Bobcats fan.
Weaknesses: Like the rest of the country, an inability to question anything Michael Jordan does.
In the mind of the fans:
"Forget 50, come back now MJ! It would be nice to see you in the city more than twice a year."
Miami Heat
Strengths: Best tans in the league. Intimate knowledge of opposing players thanks to Miami's omission of closing time at bars.
Weaknesses: Skin cancer. The knowledge that Will Smith once wrote a song based on their city.
In the mind of the fans:
"Wade had a much better year than Lebron, he should have been MVP."
"Beasley in rehab? Damn, there goes our local economy."
Orlando Magic
Strengths: In the land of Disney, fans believe anything can happen.
Weaknesses: Dwight Howard doesn't help fans forget the loss of Shaq by stealing everything Shaq ever did. Cough, Superman, Cough.
In the mind of the fans:
"Holy ****'s Tiger Woods"
"Just because his act is stolen, doesn't mean it's unoriginal."
Washington Wizards
Strengths: Have somehow been able to get behind Stevenson's foolishness over the past few years, especially the LeBron taunting.
Weaknesses: The franchise had to change the name from the Bullets to the Wizards for a reason.
In the mind of the fans:
"Hibachi returns!"
"I think this is the year we can count on injury free seasons from Arenas, Butler and Jamis---o--awwww crap. Nevermind."
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Central Division
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use. So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Chicago Bulls
Strengths: They can count the friggin’ President of the United States among their ranks. The old SNL skits with John Goodman aren’t too far off. Da Bulls.
Weaknesses: The old SNL skits with John Goodman aren’t too far off.
In the mind of the fans:
“Post players are still overrated”
“Is it to early to order a Wade jersey?”
Cleveland Cavaliers
Strengths: Indians, Browns, pre-Lebron Cavs—Cleveland has the most loyal and tested fans in the entire country.
Weaknesses: Unfortunately they are also the most heart broken fans in history, leading to an extreme fear of success and paranoia.
In the mind of the fans:
“He won’t leave. He won’t leave. He won’t leave (even God’s not that mean, is he?)"
“F-YOU NEW YORK MEDIA. LEAVE US ALONE!” (Perfectly understandable reaction)
Detroit Pistons
Strengths: Amongst the most rowdy fans in sports.
Weaknesses: Prone to acts of violence.
In the mind of the fans:
“Rodney Stuckey is a point guard. Ben Wallace, not Chauncey, was the true heart of the Pistons, and Ben Gordon is the next Microwave.”
“Wasting our cap space?! If we had wanted Bosh we would have drafted him the first time.”
Indiana Pacers
Strengths: Birthplace of the film Hoosiers and Larry Bird.
Weaknesses: Addiction to Reggie Miller highlights.
In the mind of the fans:
“Is there still enough time to trade for Kirk Hinrich?”
“Is there still enough time to trade for Adam Morrison?”
“Is there still enough time to trade for Nick Collison?”
“Do you think we can sign Brent Barry?”
Milwaukee Bucks
Strengths: Ability to handle extreme climates. ???
Weaknesses: Laverne and Shirley.
In the mind of the fans:
“If our owner doesn’t want to spend money on our team, then neither do we.”
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use. So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Chicago Bulls
Strengths: They can count the friggin’ President of the United States among their ranks. The old SNL skits with John Goodman aren’t too far off. Da Bulls.
Weaknesses: The old SNL skits with John Goodman aren’t too far off.
In the mind of the fans:
“Post players are still overrated”
“Is it to early to order a Wade jersey?”
Cleveland Cavaliers
Strengths: Indians, Browns, pre-Lebron Cavs—Cleveland has the most loyal and tested fans in the entire country.
Weaknesses: Unfortunately they are also the most heart broken fans in history, leading to an extreme fear of success and paranoia.
In the mind of the fans:
“He won’t leave. He won’t leave. He won’t leave (even God’s not that mean, is he?)"
“F-YOU NEW YORK MEDIA. LEAVE US ALONE!” (Perfectly understandable reaction)
Detroit Pistons
Strengths: Amongst the most rowdy fans in sports.
Weaknesses: Prone to acts of violence.
In the mind of the fans:
“Rodney Stuckey is a point guard. Ben Wallace, not Chauncey, was the true heart of the Pistons, and Ben Gordon is the next Microwave.”
“Wasting our cap space?! If we had wanted Bosh we would have drafted him the first time.”
Indiana Pacers
Strengths: Birthplace of the film Hoosiers and Larry Bird.
Weaknesses: Addiction to Reggie Miller highlights.
In the mind of the fans:
“Is there still enough time to trade for Kirk Hinrich?”
“Is there still enough time to trade for Adam Morrison?”
“Is there still enough time to trade for Nick Collison?”
“Do you think we can sign Brent Barry?”
Milwaukee Bucks
Strengths: Ability to handle extreme climates. ???
Weaknesses: Laverne and Shirley.
In the mind of the fans:
“If our owner doesn’t want to spend money on our team, then neither do we.”
Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Atlantic Division
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Boston Celtics
Strengths: Experience. Years of knowledge into possibly the most storied franchise in NBA history. Ability to handle booze.
Weaknesses: Ability to handle booze aside, obnoxious even while sober. Fresh memories of failed franchises over the past two decades has done nothing to humble them from the recent success of the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots.
In the mind of the fans:
"Kobe is slowing with age. Tim Duncan is in his 30's, is seven-feet tall with a lot of mileage on his knees. Kevin Garnett? Nah. He's perfectly fine."
"Is it right to root for a team that added the league's biggest jerk to a team full of arrogant jerks? Hell, it worked when Bill Belichick picked up Randy Moss."
New York Knicks
Strengths: Mecca of basketball. Spike Lee.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur based upon geographic location.
In the mind of the fans:
"LeBron. LEBRON, LeBron, LEBRON....LeBron! LeBron! LeBron, LeBron, LEBRON"
"No assets, not as much cap space as originally thought. No solid talent base...no problem. This is New York. How could LeBron say no?"
"Do you think we could land James, Bosh AND Wade? I mean, we are New York."
New Jersey Nets
Strengths: Most live within a reasonable commute to Brooklyn.
Weaknesses: They'll soon have to drive there if they want to see their team.
In the mind of the fans:
"In Soviet Russia, road drives you."
"Lopez and Harris are the American versions of Duncan and Parker."
Philadelphia 76ers
Strengths: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport. (Google Santa, booing and batteries)
Weaknesses: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport.
In the mind of the fans:
"F----- You"
Toronto Raptors
Strengths: Ability to flood the e-mails of any national sports writer who fails to show proper love to Canada's team.
Weaknesses: No one fears Canadians.
In the mind of the fans:
"Should we be worried that our Charmin Ultra Soft is tougher than our team?"
"It's not aboot defense, it's not aboot rebounding. It's aboot shooting. It's aboot passing."
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Boston Celtics
Strengths: Experience. Years of knowledge into possibly the most storied franchise in NBA history. Ability to handle booze.
Weaknesses: Ability to handle booze aside, obnoxious even while sober. Fresh memories of failed franchises over the past two decades has done nothing to humble them from the recent success of the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots.
In the mind of the fans:
"Kobe is slowing with age. Tim Duncan is in his 30's, is seven-feet tall with a lot of mileage on his knees. Kevin Garnett? Nah. He's perfectly fine."
"Is it right to root for a team that added the league's biggest jerk to a team full of arrogant jerks? Hell, it worked when Bill Belichick picked up Randy Moss."
New York Knicks
Strengths: Mecca of basketball. Spike Lee.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur based upon geographic location.
In the mind of the fans:
"LeBron. LEBRON, LeBron, LEBRON....LeBron! LeBron! LeBron, LeBron, LEBRON"
"No assets, not as much cap space as originally thought. No solid talent base...no problem. This is New York. How could LeBron say no?"
"Do you think we could land James, Bosh AND Wade? I mean, we are New York."
New Jersey Nets
Strengths: Most live within a reasonable commute to Brooklyn.
Weaknesses: They'll soon have to drive there if they want to see their team.
In the mind of the fans:
"In Soviet Russia, road drives you."
"Lopez and Harris are the American versions of Duncan and Parker."
Philadelphia 76ers
Strengths: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport. (Google Santa, booing and batteries)
Weaknesses: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport.
In the mind of the fans:
"F----- You"
Toronto Raptors
Strengths: Ability to flood the e-mails of any national sports writer who fails to show proper love to Canada's team.
Weaknesses: No one fears Canadians.
In the mind of the fans:
"Should we be worried that our Charmin Ultra Soft is tougher than our team?"
"It's not aboot defense, it's not aboot rebounding. It's aboot shooting. It's aboot passing."
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