Sunday, October 25, 2009

Not Another Team Preview: Previewing Fans in the Pacific Division

By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.

So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.

So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans.

Golden State Warriors

Strengths:
Upside is amongst the highest in the entire league.

Weaknesses: Still tolerate management's presence in the building.

In the mind of the fans:

"We might hate Stephen Jackson, but even we can't blame him."

"Well, we still have a killer video game team."

Los Angeles Clippers

Strengths:
The two Bills (Simmons and Crystal).

Weaknesses: Frankie Muniz.

In the mind of the fans:

"Holy Crap! We have a legitimate No. 1 overall big man. A motivated, stud point guard. A promising young shooting guard. Depth up front. And a crap load of cap space in one of the deepest free agent markets next year. Did Sterling die?"

"I can finally wear my team jersey in public!"

Los Angeles Lakers

Strengths:
The most famous fans in the entire NBA. Cool under pressure (due to the sedated effect the drugs leave in their system).

Weaknesses: Arrive late, leave early. Bad knees created by years of being on them in Kobe's presence.

In the mind of the fans:

"Have I shown up on the Jumbotron or TV yet? As soon as I do I'm outta here. Can't miss rehab again."

"That person wrote a story that only called Kobe ONE of the greatest players in NBA history? What a hater!."

"ESPN has nothing but Kobe haters! Fox Sports has nothing but Kobe haters! Yahoo has nothing but Kobe haters! Everyone is a Kobe Hater! The Catholic Church thinks Jesus Christ is our savior? they're obviously Kobe Haters!"

Phoenix Suns

Strengths:
Desert air apparently increases longevity as much as the Suns training staff. (A lot of old people). One awesome Gorrilla.

Weaknesses: Amare enablers. Still stuck on playoff suspensions of a few years back.

In the mind of the fans:

"David Stern is out to get us. It's a conspiracy, they only want big markets like San Antonio to win."

"At least we'll get to see 130-120 point games again this year. Hopefully we win some of them."

Sacramento Kings

Strengths:
Cow bells. Once one of the loudest crowds in the NBA.

Weaknesses: Once being the operative word.

In the mind of the fans:

.....crickets.....

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